Below are the 5 most recent journal entries recorded in rhiannon_72's LiveJournal:

Saturday, April 9th, 2005
5:41 pm	Well 1 week down... Ok, just finished my first week at CURVES. We started on Monday (mom and I) I'm truly enjoying it. I got measured, those numbers will die with me. But, it gives me something to look forward to...smaller numbers. I was so sore from last Sunday, we (again Mom and I) had the BRILLIANT idea of getting some of the yard work done. Eric had to work so Mom offered to come help me. So here we are ALL DAY bending, stooping, picking up leaves, trash, general Spring yard cleaning and Fall stuff that should have been done last FALL, but we weren't here then so I won't let that happen again. By the end of the day we're bushed and we have to go work out on Monday night, my hamstrings (new word in my vocabulary) were so sore it hurt to think about them. But we went ahead and worked through it. By Friday I was feeling much better. I'm feeling better emotionally too, I have a much needed hobby. I don't sit around complaining about how I should be doing something, I'm doing it! And it feels great! I'm seriously considering buying a bike (bicycle) and riding it on weekends with Eric when/if he's off. If not I can always pack it up in the van and hit a trail somewhere...any takers?? Now, don't worry I'm not going to turn into one of these fitness guru's but I have to admit it's really helped with the depression for me. Other than that, nothing else is new. We haven't been out to the club in ages and frankly I don't miss it. I guess I miss going out more than the club itself. Not to say we're out, but maybe on hold is a better term for it. I guess partially that's my fault. I'm not feeling up to snuff and would like a few more workout's before I feel better about myself to get back in the swing of things (no pun intended). Current Mood: excited (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 30th, 2005
7:51 pm	Here's to a new begining... Well I was on the phone with Mom, we were talking about WW by the way 1.8 lost this week. So, she said something about CURVES, I she heard that they are waiving their usual $170.00 (HA) registration fee, that makes it $10 per week and you can go as much as you like. I told her if that is true then let's do it. I mean I have this equipment in my house that I don't even use on a regular basis. I would have to go to CURVES because Mom is going and I don't want to disappoint her, plus the guilt trips (OY!). So, we'll see if that pans out. I will continue on WW and use CURVES as my gym. Good grief I might actually hit goal! Could it be???? Oh that's another thing, I was looking at my WW sheet they have my goal between 132 and 164 HA! Now the 164 I can deal with. But 132?? OMG I'm 5'8" or so, first I couldn't do that, second I don't want to, that's too small! Yes there is a too small. Eric should be home soon, it's almost 8 o'clock. Short shift, but he worked this morning too. He was telling me he might get his schedule changed to day's which mean he'd be home by 7:30 M - Th. That's not bad. At least I could start getting some sleep again. I stay up until he get's home 10:30 or later,then we sit around talking for another hour or so and I have to be up by 6:30 and it's getting a little rough. But that's the only time we have together. I hate to ask him to change jobs, he likes it and it's close to home. The hours just suck. It would be worth it if he made a little more, but then again he's still not here. But I'm starting to find things to do with my time, and it's not so lonely. The next thing I'll be bitching about how he's always under foot, and I need a break from him...LOL Oops is my bipolar showing?? (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 23rd, 2005
7:17 pm	Well nothing much going on here. I'm acting as support "group" for Stacey Bee, she is having trouble with her Man he can be a real jerk. Apparently he insults her and her weight. Which explains a lot, she joined WW with me, and I was glad to have someone to go with. But she's working out all the time, not eating all her POINTS and she was depressed when she only lost 1 lb at yesterdays meeting. Well if that wasn't enough she had a horrible fight with Aaron, he told her that she would probably never loose anything. That he's sick of seeing her fat and is sick of being around her that she is an embarrassment. Those of you who know her, well you haven't seen him. There is a reason. He does not leave the house. I went to school with this guy, he's nothing special himself. He has his own issues and he is putting her down to make himself feel better. She is worried she will never find anyone else. So she's basically starving herself, and working out like crazy, now this. It's hard to get her to understand that this is a process that takes some time. Plus, when she looses the weight what will he insult her about then? I cannot imagine living that way. Well it's almost 7:30 and Eric should be getting home soon, I hope. That will be nice. For all the things he does and does not do, at least I can count on one thing, he would never treat me like that. For that I am grateful. Current Mood: grateful (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 22nd, 2005
8:34 pm	New Day New Attitude... Ok, just got back from WW (weight watchers) and lost 2.4lbs for a Grand Total of 5 lbs (exactly). Yippee! Now, if I hadn't gained the 1.4 the first 2 weeks I could be at 6.4 lost. Oh well. That's neither here nor there. I did all this and had Chinese buffet too! I've decided to start doing things for myself. Meaning, that I am going to do things because they please me, and stop trying to explain all my choices. This will be an ongoing struggle, but I feel it will be worth it in the long run. I can be a better spouse, friend, and sister. Eric is right about one thing, don't tell him though, we need to keep up the illusion. He's right that when I'm successful at something it boosts my self-esteem and it gives me the "courage" to try new things. In this case my 'success' at WW tonight, I have a whole new attitude. I feel like I've accomplished something. I know it's not a lot. But it's something, and it gives me an extra boost. I can only imagine how shallow this must seem. At least now I have a better understanding of what I'm racing for (see previous entry) and I can get a better mental picture of why I'm doing it, even if it isn't what everyone else is running towards. The only thing that matters is, do I know what I'm running towards and do I really want it. In a lot of cases, such as this, you may need to sit out for a while and decide which path of the race your in. Right now I'm on the sidelines rooting for others, and checking out my options. Eric is going to be home the next 2 nights. That helps a lot with the loneliness, he can be my biggest cheerleader, and my second worse critic (second only to myself). When he's here even if we're watching T.V. at least I'm not alone. I'm not as bored. I need to get a hobby, and Television is not a hobby. Since we've moved and everything is set up. My evening are totally free, between packing, moving, and getting set up I always had something to do, now that everything is done, I'm bored again. I guess I could scrub the bathtub...nah I'm not that bored. Current Mood: optimistic (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 21st, 2005
6:44 pm	Just an entry... Well, I have finally found the time to enter some of my "thoughts" into this journal. The big question now is what thoughts should I enter? I mean God knows I have plenty of them running around, there is plenty of open space for them. First, I'd like to thank everyone for their support during this difficult time, I appreciate everything in case I haven't voiced it in person. That's all I'm going to say about that. I'm am going to use this as a true journal. I know some people will see it. I guess I don't care, or maybe it's the only way I know of getting some of this off my chest. That said, I have to tell you, I am probably one of the loneliest people. I come home to an empty house almost every night. Eric works late, 10:30 or later. I know it doesn't sound late, but I have to get up early in the morning and I usually asleep when he gets home. It just seems so lonely here. I hate to talk on the phone, I do that all day long! I don't want to drive to visit anyone since gas has shot through the roof, plus I'm lazy. So instead I sit trying to figure out how it can be different. Wow, I'm depressing myself! This is going to be some good reading. I know it could be worse. It has been worse. Tomorrow will be totally different, and today won't mean a thing (name that tune) but it's true. Do you ever have the feeling you could be doing something...better? Not exactly sure what. Just something better. My biggest problem, is myself. I am my biggest obstacle. I considered dabbling in real estate for example. You know getting my license, maybe working part-time, while Eric's at work evenings and weekends. Then I start thinking about, it will take up a lot of your time, what if you spend all that time doing this and you don't see any results. What if your not good at it? What if you FAIL and you have to tell everyone about it. That last one is the biggest. Failure, did you know if you don't try you can't fail? Of course you did. But you don't succeed either. That is ok, because success does not factor into the equation. Do you think some people are predestined to fail? Some people are predestined for success, riches, fame, notoriety. Some are just destined for nothingness (is that a word?), barely scrapping by, having nothing to show for their efforts. Otherwise why would be be so enthralled by all the "famous" people? Not all of this is about the All Mighty Dollar, although it is nice, and I would like to be better acquainted with it. Doesn't being successful also mean; by societies standards: Beautiful home, 2.5 kids, a dog and/or cat, loving relationship (what ever the relationship), terrific career, a nest-egg, beautiful cars, fabulous vacation pictures/videos. Isn't everyone's version different? Some of those things I want, most I do not. Would that mean if I were to achieve only part of that would I be less successful than my counterpart? My vision is different than yours, who makes up the standards? Better yet, who makes up the standards I feel I have to live up to? Myself? Then what am I racing toward? And if I am the only one in the race how can I succeed or fail if I'm in this by myself? I guess these are questions I have to figure out the answers to. I guess maybe I should stay home by myself for a little while longer and try to figure them out. Or maybe I'll just watch some more T.V. Current Mood: depressed (6 Comments |Comment on this)